Following Perry
by Mortal Anonymous
Summary: The kids all decide that today's the day they find out where Perry runs off to every day. Monogram decides Perry's coming into work whether he likes it or not, and Doofenshmirtz is afraid Perry might not loathe him anymore. What's a platypus to do!


Phineas and Ferb were lethargically splayed underneath the tree in their backyard, looking distinctly uninspired.

Phineas sighed. "What to do, what to do…" he wondered aloud.

Silence.

Phineas sighed. "What to do, what to do…" he wondered aloud.

Ferb sent Phineas a mildly annoyed yet questioning look.

"Oh, sorry I'm being so repetitive, Ferb," apologized Phineas, "I was just hoping that maybe if I wondered out loud enough, something might come along and inspire us."

"N-g-g-g-g-g..!"

Phineas turned his attention, smiling, to the platypus that had just wandered onto his lap.

"Oh, hey Perry," Phineas greeted, "Come to say hi before you go off adventuring for the day?" He moved Perry to the grass between him and Ferb, and they both scratched his head.

"N-g-g-g-g-g…" chattered Perry.

Suddenly, Phineas got the look of someone who's just been hit by a hugely brilliant idea.

"Oh my gosh," he said, "Ferb. We should follow Perry for the day! We're always wondering about where he runs off to; well, why don't we see for ourselves? I'm sure Perry wouldn't mind a little extra bonding time. Right boy?" He scratched Perry again.

Ferb nodded in support of the idea, while Perry just started to look a little concerned.

Just then, Candace entered the backyard, a determined and slightly smug look on her face.

"Alright boys," she said upon reaching the tree, "Mom's out bowling with Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro and her friends, and Dad's in town looking at weird antique-y things, so one: I'm in charge, and two: I am _extra_ prepared to bust you today. See? I've got the routes to and locations of each parental unit all mapped out, three cell phones (I borrowed some from my friends), back up batteries _and_ I've been practicing my sprinting _all_ week..! Let's see ya get past me now..!"

She pulled out blueprints, a bunch of drawn out math, the phones, the batteries, and then jogged in place to show how ready she was.

Her brothers blinked at her.

"Well, it's great that you're so prepared, Candace," Phineas told her, "But we're not really gonna be doing much today. We're gonna follow Perry and see where he runs off to every day." He held up Perry to accent his point.

Candace slowed in her jogging, less than enthused to hear this, and then stopped all together.

"Wait. That's _all_ you guys are doing today?" she asked, "Following Perry?"

"Yup," smiled Phineas, "We really want to see where he goes. Care to join us?"

Candace considered the offer. "Huh," she concluded, "Actually, I _am_ really curious about where he goes every day. Sure, count me in."

"Great!" beamed Phineas, and then he caught sight of something over the fence, "Oh, hey Isabella."

Peeking over the backyard fence, Isabella greeted, "Hi. Did I hear you say you guys were going to follow Perry?"

"Sure did." confirmed Phineas, while Candace and Ferb nodded.

"Cool!" beamed Isabella. A cut to behind the fence showed the other Fireside Girls supporting her so she could see over the fence. "Come on girls, let's go follow Perry!" she told them.

The Fireside Girls smiled and cheered, dismantling their pyramid and racing through the gate to the backyard. Behind them, Buford arrived, hefting Baljeet over his head like a dumbbell.

"Alright, Buford's here, what're we doin'?" he asked as he entered and joined the group.

"Followin' Perry." Phineas informed him.

"Awesome." Buford approved, and he let Baljeet down. As he did so, the group moved to circle around Perry, closing off any escape chance he might have had. They all smiled down at him.

Perry sweated, looking nervously up at the ring of smiling faces surrounding him.

Time stretched. Perry didn't know what to do. He really hoped he wouldn't have to do anything. This was always the time of day when-

His wrist communicator started beeping and flashing red, right on cue, causing Perry to wince.

"Huh? Whazzat?" voiced Candace, and the group of kids looked around wonderingly.

While they were looking around, Perry quickly took off his communicator and stomped it into the grass, effectively smashing and silencing it.

"Oh well, I guess it was nothing. Did he do anything?" Candace said, unable to locate the noise. The group looked back to Perry, who appeared not to have moved.

Meanwhile, at HQ, Monogram and Carl leaned back in surprise when the big tele-screen they were trying to contact Perry on went suddenly blank.

"What the – Carl, what's wrong with this thing?" Monogram demanded.

Carl leaned over Monogram's chair, typing at multiple keyboards and running a check.

"Hmm, nothing sir." he diagnosed, "It looks like Agent P broke his wrist communicator."

"What? Agent P skipping work?" questioned Monogram, incredulous, "He's already done that twice this season. This is unacceptable! He's coming into work today, whether he likes it or not." He pushed a button.

"Um, sir, that's the wrong-" Carl tried to correct.

"Shut up, Carl, you told me _I _could work the controls today..!" He pushed a few more buttons randomly.

Carl groaned, letting his palm hit his face.

Back in the Flynn-Fletcher yard, Perry's secret entrances started flapping and opening up all over the place. The tree hatch, the wall hatch; several patches of grass started flipping.

Perry's eyes darted around nervously, but luckily, everyone was busy staring expectantly and attentively at Perry, and didn't seem to notice the backyard flipping out. So, Perry quickly let out a chatter to make sure the group's attention stayed on him, and made for the yard gate.

"Oo, look, he's on the move!" Isabella exclaimed excitedly, and the group parted to let Perry through, forming a single file line behind him as they followed him away from the dangerously active backyard.

…

_Doofenshmirtz standing a-lo-o-oone!_

As the jingle stated, Dr. Doofenshmirtz was in fact, standing alone in the middle of his big apartment building, on the usual floor, looking a little sad and confused next to a giant ray gun. He looked around the place wonderingly.

"W-where is Perry the Platypus?" he asked no one in particular, "It's not like him to be late like this…besides, he's already done the not-showing-up thing twice this season…"

He gasped. "I-I hope he hasn't stopped loathing me…" He clutched at his chest, sniffing and beginning to tear up. He looked at his giant ray gun.

"Suddenly I don't feel very much like using my '-inator' today…" he said sadly, and he went to go sit in his easy chair, wearing his bathrobe and slippers, worriedly eating pink flavored ice cream.

…

Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Buford, Baljeet, Isabella and the Fireside Girls all followed Perry single file down the streets of Danville. As they walked, they fell into a sort of catchy beat, and before you knew it, everyone was clap-clap-beat-clapping along as Phineas lead the group in a song:

_We're followin' Pe-e-erry _(The kids follow Perry across an intersection like The Beatles, only in a larger group)

_Yeah, followin' Pe-e-erry _(Pins labeled with everyone's faces move single file around a map)

_Wherever he may go _(Backdrops of a desert, the Arctic and France)

_We're followin' Pe-e-e-eeerry _(Everyone swims after Perry at the beach)

_Cuz that's the plot of this show _(Phineas holds a script up to the camera and flips through it)

_We'll follow him all over town, now _(The gang walks up and down buildings/along the frame's sides)

_Or up a mountain's highest peak _(The gang stands atop a mountain with a flag bearing Perry's face)

_Just like a game of follow the leader _(The gang follows Perry single file along a sidewalk)

_Or platypus hide-and-seek… _(Monogram tries to guess Perry's location, pushing lots of buttons as he 'guesses'; Carl tries to stop him)

_If he takes a walk in the park, yeah _(Perry sweats as many tree tunnels flap at him; the kids don't notice)

_Well my friend we'll be right there _(Everyone leans in on Perry, who sweats)

_Whether he be climbin' or diiiiggin' _(Everyone's in a tree, then mining with pickaxes and hardhats)

_Or catchin' some really mad aiiir..! _(Everyone jumps off a skateboard ramp, Perry riding with Phineas in front)

_We're followin' Pe-e-erry _(The gang climbs down a manhole after Perry)

_Yeah, followin' Pe-e-erry _(Everyone climbs through a tight network of stalagmites and stalactites)

_Wherever he may go _(Backdrops of China, Mount Rushmore and the moon)

_We're followin' Pe-e-e-eeerry _(The group walks around a small model of Earth)

_That egg layin' mammal you know! _(Everyone clusters center screen, playing an instrument or holding Perry aloft)

_Yeah, followin' Pe-e-erry_

The group finished singing as they came to a rest at a stream. Perry chattered as he stood at the reflective bank.

"Hey, look guys," Phineas said, "Perry's made a friend..!" The group 'aww'ed collectively.

…

At HQ, Monogram had not given up on random button pushing, much to Carl's chagrin. He approached Monogram's chair with a big purple remote that looked like a toy airplane's, only more complicated.

"Sir? Sir…" he said, tapping Monogram's shoulder. Monogram looked up from the controls he was mangling with a "Huh..?"

"Sir, I think it's time we tried something different." Carl told him, "So, may I introduce: the Platypus Retreival-bot!" He tweaked the controls, and a purple and silver hover plane type thing with big robot clamp arms entered the scene.

"Platypus Retrieval-bot?" questioned Monogram, raising a brow.

"Of course sir; I've built one of these especially for all the agents, in case we need to bring 'em in; y'know, like if they go rogue or something…" Carl explained.

"Platypus Retrieval-bot…" Monogram repeated flatly, but then he exclaimed, "That is so cool! Let me fly it..!" He lunged for the controls, but Carl dodged with a cry of protest and ran away. Monogram chased him.

"No, sir, you don't know how to operate this, stay back!" begged Carl as he fled. Simultaneously, he flew the robot toward HQ's hangar, using the radar map on the controller to navigate it.

…

_Doofenshmirtz in de-ni-i-aaal!_

Doofenshmirtz paced his apartment, still in his bathrobe and slippers, wringing his hands and talking to himself as he went.

"He couldn't have just _forgotten_ about me, no." he was saying, "Perry the Platypus is on his way right now, no doubt. Y-yes, he'll show up, he'll have a perfectly good reason for being so late, we'll do battle and everything will be normal again..! No, no, he's definitely coming…definitely coming…"

_Doofenshmirtz re-e-ally a-angryyy!_

Now Doofenshmirtz paced vigorously, striding hard and long, speaking harshly to the air.

"That stupid Perry the Platypus, how _dare_ he forget to foil me?" he ranted, "I mean it's not like I'm his _nemesis_ or anything, oh no! I'm just a little nobody and he's too _good_ to spend time with someone _evil_ like me! I'll bet that's it...I'll bet that's what that no good do-gooder is thinking right now..! And you with the stupid jingles, shut up already, would you?" He stormed at the camera, shoving the lens and making it static.

_(Doofenshmirtz reaches bar-gain-iiinng!)_

The whispered jingle was correct, as now Doofenshmirtz was pacing swiftly, tersely, as he pleaded with the air.

"Look, I'm _sorry_ about all the stuff I said before…I didn't mean it really; a-and Perry the Platypus, if you come through the door – or window, or ceiling, I don't even care! If you show up in the next fifteen minutes, I won't even trap you this time..! We'll just have a good old fashioned hero-villain fight, alright? I-I won't even cheat, I promise..!"

_Doofenshmirtz is de-pre-e-eeessed!_

Doofenshmirtzwas all curled up in his easy chair again, a box of tissues by his side as he stared at a framed picture of Perry in his hands.

"I…I just can't believe he forgot to _come_..!" he sniffed and blew his nose, "How could he forget about _me_? I'm his_ nemesis_! Doesn't he hate me anymore at all? And all that time I spent, inventing my big '-inator' thingy…an-and setting a trap…all wasted because he decides he doesn't want to show up..! Oh…why, Perry the Platypus, _why_?"

…

Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Buford, Baljeet, Isabella and the Fireside Girls were all playing about in the stream. Candace, the Fireside Girls and Baljeet were climbing the big stream rocks, Phineas and Ferb were having a little splash fight, Isabella was looking at the different plants, and Buford was whacking different things with a stick.

Perry was on the bank, in front of Baljeet's rock. Baljeet lay on his stomach, talking to Perry.

"You know, Perry, this is a wonderful stream," he was telling the platypus, "Is this where you come every day? I would not be surprised if you did, as it is so magnificent, but I imagine even a platypus would want a change of scenery after a while. Are you even listening to me, Perry?"

"N-g-g-g-g-g…" Perry chattered.

"Ha ha, Nerd's talkin' to a platypus..!" taunted Buford, coming up behind Baljeet and jabbing him with a stick, making him slip off of the rock and fall into the sand.

"Oof!" landed Baljeet. He coughed as the sand clouded, and righted himself as it settled, brushing himself off as it did. He glared at Buford.

"Ow! That was extremely rude, even by your standards..!" he groused.

"I know," said Buford, "Buford's expanding his repertoire."

Baljeet seemed about to retort, but suddenly noticed something else. He looked around frantically.

"O-ooh no," he fretted, "Oh no no no, no no no no no no no no..! Where is Perry?" He ran in circles, unable to find him. Rounding on Buford, Baljeet shouted, "You made me lose today's activity, you big buffoon! How can we follow Perry when there is _no_ Perry to follow?" He began to hyperventilate.

"Woah, sheesh, take it easy there, 'jeet…" said Buford, backing down, his stick raised defensively.

Baljeet tried to calm himself by taking deep breaths. "No, no, you're right…I am sorry Buford, I do not know what came over me. I guess because I lost Perry once before…no, that is not important now…I shall notify the authorities." He cleared his throat before calling out to his friends, "Phineas! Ferb! Perry has gone missing!"

The kids all paused what they were doing and glanced around.

"Quick, everyone, form a search party…he can't have gotten far..!" called Phineas, and the kids scattered to search.

…

Perry scuttled away from the activity, close to where the creek blended back into forest. He was just about to duck into full cover, when a whirring sound reached his ears. He looked up, and saw a weird purple and silver hover plane thing swooping right for him, clamping its robot arms menacingly.

Perry let out a startled chatter and tried to flee, but the robot thing followed him and snatched him up before he could get very far at all. It clamped him tight around the middle and started to ascend.

It lifted Perry high up and started to take him away from the stream and the forest.

As it did though, the plane started to fly shakily. It started to tilt and wobble; Perry's eyes bugged as it started jumping and spinning, careening about and barely missing the trees!

Back at HQ, it was pretty apparent what the problem was. Monogram had finally caught Carl, and the two of them were squabbling over the controller.

"Let me use it!" Monogram was saying as he tugged, "I should get to fly it; I'm the boss!"

"Yeah, but I'm Carl!" argued Carl, "I know what all those buttons do!"

They pulled, they yanked and they twisted, and then suddenly the controller broke in two, bits flying everywhere.

"..Oops…" said both of them. They shared a look.

"..Yeah, what say we just give Agent P the day off?" suggested Monogram flatly.

"My thoughts exactly, sir." concurred Carl, and they dropped their bits of the controller, sidling away from the broken mess with a whistle.

...

Back at the stream, Perry was spiraling Earthward in a smoking wreck. He let out a frightened chatter and braced for impact.

Meanwhile, the kids were searching the banks of the stream, calling out their status.

"He's not over here..!" called Gretchen.

"Not over here either..!" called Holly.

"Nothin' over here but _lots_ a' bugs..!" Candace reported, coughing.

Thud! Rustle!

Phineas turned his head toward the nearby movement in the grass at the edge of the woods. Walking over and parting the grass, Phineas smiled.

"Oh, there you are Perry." he said before turning and calling to the others, "Hey guys, he's over here! It looks like he just got caught in some sort of platypus trap..!"

Everyone came crowding over, happy that Perry wasn't lost.

Baljeet sighed with relief. "Whoo! So I did not lose him after all..! Yippee! ..Oh yes, and you are happily reunited with your pet…" he added as a quick afterthought.

Phineas inspected the contraption that held Perry. Waving Ferb over, he and Phineas grabbed hold of either side of it and strained a bit, but managed to pry the foliage covered and somewhat mangled clamps off of Perry. Perry stumbled forward, a bit disoriented.

"There ya go, boy. Yer all freed." said Phineas as everyone came forward to pet Perry in a comforting manner, "So, where d'you wanna take us now?"

Perry gave the audience a tired look.

…

"Home? Already?" Phineas looked around, surprised and disappointed to find the group back in the Flynn-Fletcher's backyard.

Perry gave a fed up sounding chatter, pointedly walking into the house to find a nice pillow.

"Well, ok then," waved Phineas, "It was fun followin' you around for the day though. Right guys?" he then polled.

"Yeah, I thought it was really fun walking all over Danville like that." agreed Isabella. The Fireside Girls nodded with her.

"And that _was_ a pretty nice place Perry took us to." input Baljeet. He was poked suddenly, and cried out in pain. "Where Buford acquired a new poking stick…" he added grudgingly, rubbing his arm.

"Yeah, I guess," agreed Candace, "But y'know, I kinda hoped we'd find out something a little more, I dunno, secretive about Perry. Something a little cooler, maybe? We just found out he wanders around town and hangs out in a creek all day."

"Well, he is a platypus, remember," said Phineas, "And they don't do much…"

"Eh, I guess so." relented Candace.

And with that, everyone turned to Ferb, waiting.

"..What?" he asked, looking between their staring faces. "Oh." he then realized, "You know guys, I'm not just a tagline at the end of the day..."

They continued to stare expectantly.

"Say somethin' funny..!" called Buford.

Ferb scoffed. "British, British, funny blah blah, Ferb is out. Peace!" he huffed irritatedly, and then broadcast a peace sign to the group as he followed Perry into the house at a brisk march.

The group blinked.

…

There was a rapid knock at Doofenshmirtz's door. Still wearing the bathrobe and slippers, and still talking to himself, Doofenshmirtz came to answer it.

"Yeah, I'm cool with this, really," he was telling himself, "So what if Perry the Platypus doesn't want to be my nemesis anymore? There are other – what's this, yet another gift basket?"

Indeed, a gift basket was settled on Doofenshmirtz's doormat. Aside from the regular assortment of fruit and muffins and whatnot, there was card with a big blue sad face on it, and the caption read 'I'm Sorry'. Curiously, Doofenshmirtz picked up the card and opened it.

"'Dear Heinz,'" he read, "'Please forgive me for not showing up today, but due to circumstances beyond my control I was unable to come thwart you. Let's just say you won this one. Curse you Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Signed, Perry the Platypus.'"

Doofenshmirtz lowered the card, sniffing. His lip trembled and tears brimmed in his eyes as he moved to pick up a nearby marker and put one more tally in his column of the victory chart he kept.

"He _does_ care..!"

...

**A/N:**** Well, as per several requests..I attempted to send Jeff Marsh a copy of this story. I don't know if he'll get it, or even consider reading it..but there you have it. I've submitted this story for consideration as an episode. = / Just thought those people might like to know, I listened.**


End file.
